When you are helping your child or another student with their homework and that child pauses, you jump right in, don’t you? Many people are not cool with silence. You know, awkward silence. Whether it is in a casual setting with friends, a business meeting, or even helping their child with homework – people fill the silence because they are uncomfortable.
Silence is fine. Even in a paid tutoring session, if I am just sitting there in silence for short periods, I am doing my job.
When I am working with a student, I hesitate before jumping in. Let’s consider silence as time to ponder. Pondering is fantastic. What little synapses are firing away connections in the brain (not a neurologist, not sure if this is correct) while the student is being quiet?!
Here are some tips for managing silence when helping your child or another student:
- Ask yourself, is the student actively engaged even though they are quiet? I have some students that during silence, they are most engaged. When you are helping a child with math, you need to allow time for processing between steps or after an explanation. You do not want to jump in when they are actively thinking about their next step……in silence.
- Are you talking to hear yourself talk? Yes, I said it. Over-explaining is a problem, kids will stop listening. I typically ask a leading question and then there’s silence. I stop. Sometimes they look at me with questions in their eyes wondering….is that all you are going to say? I wait. I may motion for them to give it a try. But I am silent, waiting for them to fill the silence with either a question or for them to jump in and try to solve the problem.
- What if you wait in silence and the student is still lost? You have to get to know your child or student. You can learn their facial expressions, their fidgets, and their tendencies. Learn to read when the silence has turned to frustration or distraction. You can jump in when they are no longer engaged. And, when you do jump in, don’t grab their pencil and start working the problem. See my post about tips for helping your child with their homework for suggestions.
The biggest take away is that if you are uncomfortable because there’s silence when your student isn’t actually writing or using a calculator or other tool, that doesn’t mean you break the silence just to ease your discomfort. Breaking the silence may mean that you are actually stopping their critical processing. Don’t interrupt them!